The Four Agreements

1st Agreement – Be Impeccable with Your Word

“Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or it can destroy everything around you.” – This is why I dislike gossip— and how people use it to isolate or hurt others. Gossip is black magic; it is pure poison. Gossip is different from communication—giving your opinion is one thing, but using words to harm others is on the opposite side.

“The word is like a seed, and the human mind is so fertile.” – I need to be mindful of what I say. If it’s positive, let’s talk about it more. If it’s negative, let’s either remain silent or speak with intention—not to harm but to build. These two tracks I need to develop.

“Self-rejection is the biggest sin you commit.”

2nd Agreement – Do Not Take Anything Personally

“We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me—always me.” – I was raised with the Chinese saying “先责己、后责人”—meaning, always blame yourself first before blaming others. My father taught me this, but now I want to unlearn it.

“The whole world can gossip about you, but if you don’t take it personally, you are immune.” – We are responsible for our words and actions, not for how others behave.

3rd Agreement – Do Not Make Assumptions

“It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption.”

“We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.”

“We justify everything to feel safe—this is why we make assumptions.” – I realized that I am not alone in this journey, I have always searched for answers about people’s words and actions, even when it’s unnecessary.

“It is much easier to find someone who already is the way you want them to be than to change someone.” & “Why be with someone if you are not the way he or she wants you to be?” – If someone isn’t what you want, being with them is a choice. That’s why I remind myself—marriage was my choice, and so is this separation.

4th Agreement – Always Do Your Best

“Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not for a reward.”

“You do your best because you want to, not because you have to or to please others.”

“Forrest Gump didn’t have great ideas, but he took action. He was happy because he always did his best.” I love that movie.

“Live one day at a time, stay in the present moment.”

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“Very young children freely express their feelings.” – My son tells me when he’s sad or mad, and I let him. I hug him and ask why he feel so, but I try to never say “don’t be sad”. I believe its an natural emotion everyone can have, and as long as he trusts and tell me his feelings.

“A life where you don’t justify your existence—you are free to be who you really are.” – That’s true freedom to me.

“You no longer rule your behavior according to what others may think about you. you are no longer responsible for anyone’s opinion. You have no need to control anyone, and no one controls you, either” – But I wonder—how do we balance this freedom without becoming selfish? Maybe by not taking others’ opinions personally but still considering them.

“Imagine living without judging others. You don’t need to be right, and no one needs to be wrong.” – The feeling of must be someone fault have been with me for so long. I feel I either blame myself or someone, must be black and white to be balance, and this feeling need to be gone.

In conclusion: Love and accept yourself without judgment. Love others as they are, without conditions.

Thank you for reading.