A Sunday Note – The Balance Between “To” and “For”

I’ve come across the word balance quite often lately — during both my first and second coaching sessions, and even as something I plan to bring into my Senior Council reflections, if it happens in the autumn.

But today, I’m reflecting on it for my own personal growth.

I randomly saw a GIF on Instagram 1924us and really liked it, linked me to The phrase:
“Things happen for you, not to you.”

This simple shift in language invites a big mindset change. It suggests that life events — even the painful or unexpected ones — are not punishments, but opportunities for growth. Instead of viewing challenges as misfortunes, we can try to see them as lessons or stepping stones that help us evolve.

Just a small change — from “to” to “for” — makes such a difference.
The word for carries hope. It implies there’s a reason behind the experience, and that reason will ultimately benefit us.
The word to, on the other hand, can sound like life is acting against us — reinforcing a victim mindset. And I’ll admit, I have felt this way sometimes too.

But I believe that in different moments and stages of life, both “to” and “for” can have a place.

When we’re just starting to heal, and bad things have genuinely happened to us, it’s okay to name that. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain, the root cause, and the trauma. If calling ourselves a victim helps us take the first steps forward — to understand, to feel, to begin — then why not?

But after some time, once we understand the cause and gain some clarity, maybe we’re ready to reframe the story. Maybe even the hardest things happened for us — to teach us a lesson, to awaken something in us, to give us a mission, not because life is cruel.

That said, even here, balance is key.

If we believe everything happens for us, do we risk becoming too self-centered? Not everything in the world is about us. Others are living their own experiences too.

So maybe the real lesson is this:

Whether things happen to you or for you — there is always a reason. And there is always something to learn.

Let’s use both words with balance.
Let’s hold both pain and growth.
Let’s remember that things happen to us, but also to others.
And things happen for us, but also for others.

Thank you.