Today I had my third session with D., and I cried during it. I opened up to him about how I felt shame about myself, and how the conflict inside me is always there—the conflict between being the “perfect” mother and partner, versus being who I truly am and who I want to become.

Still, it was a very good session, and I left with some homework for myself.

And one big question remains: What is my life’s purpose? Coincidentally, later on my social media, a video popped up where two people were talking in such a sweet and deep way about this very question.

When I was a child—or even before marriage—I felt my life’s purpose was something tangible. I knew what I wanted to do. But life changes. I now have my lovely son. And with that, my sense of purpose seemed to slip away. For many years, my purpose has simply been to stay alive until my son becomes independent—in finance, physically, and mentally—so he can live a life without me. I realize I’ve been in survival mode for years.

Now, I’ve started manifesting the life I want to live. But if I try to frame it as a “life purpose,” what is it? Is the only scenario I imagine the one that will truly make me happy? Or could happiness appear in different ways?

I’m practicing to open myself to different scenarios of how I want to live my life. Maybe happiness can exist in forms I once thought I didn’t like. If I release the beliefs and frames I’ve been holding onto, what might happen? How would I feel? Could that bring me joy?

Sometimes, we can spend our whole lives without really answering the question, “What’s my purpose?” My best friend once told me something that stayed with me: instead of exhausting myself by trying to chase the answer, maybe I should just live my life more peacefully. And in that process, the answer might come naturally on its own.

Thank you.